The Raccoon already mentioned the Cornell Review’s article on John Ashcroft (in The Clocktower Sniper), but as it’s not online I thought I would include a couple paragraphs to give you the flavor:

“A specter is haunting the United States, social dancing. So John Ashcroft would have you believe. The man who uses daily anointments of olive oil to protect himself from Satan also believes that social dancing is thoroughfare to Hell. Unfortunately, for the dance-disinclined (i.e. yours truly) and those terrified of dancing, social dancing will persevere.

“As I personally blame dancing for my inability to find a consenting female, I hope that Mr. Ashcroft and his church, Assemblies of God, succeed in their goal to end dancing. The Assemblies of God, similar to its Islamic counterpart Hamas, has articulated less than coherent arguments. . . .

“. . . but as a devoted member of the Assemblies of God he believes this. Between busting internet bong dealers, anointing himself on a daily basis, opposing dancing, and God only knows what else, any reasonable person will determine that John Ashcroft is a little eccentric.

“According to Matt Drudge John Ashcroft will not join President Bush for a second term as attorney general. I think I speak for most of us when I say that this is probably for the best.”

This coming from one of Cornell’s “conservative” papers? The one Ann Coulter founded? Even the Cornell Daily Sun would hesitate to slam a church like the Assemblies of God. I guess your closest friends are truly your worst enemies.

Update: This is the same section where the Cornell Review slammed campus conservative Joe Sabia last year about this time. The editor-and-chief of Cornell’s other conservative newspaper, The Cornell American has assured me they will print a article praising Ashcroft. Will anyone stick up for the Assemblies of God?